Bet on it.

I’m not going to lie; I don’t know the first thing about poker.  I don’t know the rules or the terminology. I don’t know what is considered a good hand.  I probably don’t have a good poker face either.  Wait, I take it back I actually would have a kick butt poker face, but anyways that’s not the point.  None of this really matters to me because I never had or will have the desire to be a part of the World Poker Tour haha.  I have a lot of things on my bucket list, but I can positively say that participating in the WPT is not one of them.  Maybe my lack of poker knowledge comes as a surprise to some, just kidding; I know nobody was surprised at that at all.  However, I do know one thing about poker: What it means to go “all in.”

When a poker player is going all in, it means that they are betting everything that they have.  It pretty much takes any bluffing opportunities away.  Your existence in this game can be over with just this one move.  Most look at this move as a risky one, which is very accurate.  However, at the same time, I feel like this is a risky move backed with security.  Sounds kind of contradictory, right?  Let me explain.  One just doesn’t go all in just because it looks like a fun thing to do and will make everyone sit on the edge of their seats, do they?  Yeah, I’m sure going all in adds a little drama at the World Poker Tour, but that’s not the sole purpose of making that large of a move.  An individual goes all in when they are confident that they have their opponent beat.  An online poker site explains that, “This gives the person making the all-in bet the advantage every time.”

Wow, what a feeling it must be to walk into a move such as that with the utmost confidence! You know that you have something on your side that no one can beat. 

I can’t help but think how the idea of going all in relates so much to our walk with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.  We have something that can’t be beat!- the upper hand, the advantage!   We have someone on our side that has already won the battle.  Jesus has already conquered death, hell, and the grave!  There are often times when Christians walk around defeated and down.  I’ve been there and done that as well.  I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we all have experienced that.  That’s our human nature; the fleshly part of us, so it comes naturally.  God understands how we feel about circumstances that we face in this life.  There is not one emotion that we feel that he hasn’t already felt!  But at the same time, we have to make sure that our emotions aren’t ruling our soul.  There are three parts to our soul: 1) emotions, 2) intellect, and 3) will.  We can choose what part of our soul is going to rule us; we are free agents. 

Yes, there are going to be situations and circumstances in this life that are going to bring us to our knees, things that make us feel broken and crushed.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that becoming a follower of Christ our lives would be made perfect.  We are going to go through things.  Sometimes being brought to our knees with the situations that life throws at us is what helps us to stand firmer on the things of God.  Sometimes it takes walking through the fire to purify us.  Think about what are the fiery situations in your life.   

I am learning more and more each day how to walk in complete confidence with God.  I think of the song “I’ve Got Confidence” by Elvis Presley.  In the song he sings, “I've got confidence, God is gonna see me through No matter what the case may be I know He's gonna fix it for me…”  Elvis also talks about Job from the Bible and how even though he lost his health, wife, children, and cattle, he knew God still cared!

Satan has nothing on us!  We, as Christians, can take back the authority that Jesus Christ has given us.  We are overcomers through HIM.

Last football season, the New York Giants took the idea of going all in and ran with it…literally.  Days before their week 16 game against the New York Jets, the Giants were 7-7.  By the looks of things, their season was slipping away, along with their hopes of getting into the playoffs, never mind the Superbowl.  By the looks of it, the Giants would end up finishing second or even third in the NFC East. 

Then one chapel meeting changed everything.  Gian Paul Gonzalez, a teacher at Union City High School in New Jersey, spoke at the service and encouraged the players/coaches to re-examine their motivations and go all in.  He gave each team member a poker chip and a sharpie.  He then told them to write their initials on the front of the chip and challenged them to think about what God wanted them to go all in about.  It could be anything from the team to being a more committed father or husband, whatever!

The Giants came back harder than ever.  Winning game after game it seemed like the Giants were a whole new team.  Gonzalez was the wake-up call that they needed.  In the end, the Giants won the 2012 Superbowl against the New England patriots, 21 to 17.  Absolutely amazing!

There are times that I feel like we talk about giving God our all, going all in with reckless abandonment, but when the rubber meets the road, we chicken out.  Let’s not be the type of Christian who is all talk and no game.  When is the last time you really, I mean REALLY, had to put all your chips in the center?  (And I’m not talking about in a game of poker.)  When is the last time you really had to stretch your faith in what God was doing?  If you can’t answer that question, well, I hope one day you will be able to.  I can definitely say I've had to do that before, and I know there will be many more times ahead.

Let’s live on the edge a little.  Let’s go out on a limb.  Remember that when you go out on a limb, that's when you will find the fruit.  I have my own poker chip that I made with my initials on it.  I put it on my bulletin board as a reminder that every day when I wake up to go all in for Jesus.  I am fully aware that committing myself to Christ will bring stretching and growth in my life.

My Poker Chip!

Jesus went all in for us when he was crucified on that cross.  Then why do we sometimes find it so hard to do the same for him.  Pray that God revels to you areas in your life where he wants more of and more control of.  It can be anything from our emotions and attitudes, to our hopes and dreams, etc.  So, trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and walk in confidence with him today!  In doing so, I know we won't be disappointed.  I bet on it!          

God Sees Your Mt. Washington

As some of you know, I have had a very challenging past 6-ish months.  I was debating between staying at Edinboro University or transferring down to Slippery Rock University.  I went to several campus visits at SRU, met with department chair, and talked to transfer advisors—I pretty much did the works.  I can’t even begin to explain how much I felt like a freshman all over again.  I fell in love with the campus and the program.  So many people asked me why I wanted to transfer.  Sometimes I dreaded this question, but it was fair game and people had every right to ask me.  I had many reasons why I wanted to transfer: for a different major, for personal reasons, to “get out of Edinboro,” for more independence.  Gosh, I had a crap load of reasons, and I was able to justify them all.  I can honestly say indecision is the worst.  And 6 months of indecision is absolutely terrible.  I was frustrated, angry, sad, sometimes lonely, etc.  Name any emotion, and I probably felt it at some point during that time.  I would sometimes just burst out in tears.  I was earnestly praying for wisdom and direction, but at the same time felt weary and at the end of my rope.  I would wake up and say “I’ve made a decision; I’m going to the Rock.”  The next week, I would change my mind.  I honestly could probably have been stuck in this indecision until the day I died; however, the real world has deadlines.  So I made a decision.  I would attend SRU in the fall.  I mailed in my acceptance forms and then things started to feel like a whirl-wind.  I got my new email address, ID number, and password.  I had to fill out various forms, get a new academic adviser, and figure out my schedule for the fall.  I was excited, but not as excited as I thought I would be; nevertheless, I continued with the transfer process.

My uncle.  I can’t even begin to explain how thankful I am to have him in my life.  Anyone who ever meets him loves him.  He is just that type of person.  He is definitely a person who has never let me down.  He follows Jesus Christ with all his heart.  He is such an example to me and one of the biggest blessings.  I can talk to him about anything.  And he listens.  He knew my struggle, and he also knew that I wanted my decision to be something that was God ordained.  One day he said to me, “Ally, there is a difference between seeking what God has for your life and making your own decision then praying for God to bless it.”  Wow, did those words ever continue to ring in my ears.  I really began to examine my heart, my motives, every reason that I had before.  I knew in my heart from the beginning that there weren’t two possible doors for me.  I knew there was a right and wrong decision.  I knew this was a spiritual battle as well.  

My grandmother was also one of the biggest supporters through all of this.  That lady is my saving grace.  I often say that she is one of the few people to keep me sane haha.  My grandma and I are literally the same person.  I have so much respect for her and her opinion.  She is a woman after God’s own heart.  I knew she prayed for me all the time; she told me.  I would call her up on the way to my classes expressing my worries and concerns—scared that if I stayed here that I would be limiting myself and all that I could be.  She would drop whatever she was doing.  And listen.  She saw the battle that I was facing.  I knew she wanted me to be happy in whatever decision I made.  I am forever grateful for her godly counsel, wisdom, and advice.  

I came home one day after class, and I had a letter on my bed, a letter that I was, in a way, dreading to get.  It was to sign up for housing assignments at SRU.  I opened it and threw it on my desk.  I was so over this whole thing.  This was the first time throughout this whole process that things really got real for me.  I knew once I signed up for housing, there would be no going back.  Little by little I felt a tug on my heart.  I knew the decision that I needed to make.  I also remember telling myself from the beginning that whatever decision I ended up making, I was going to go all in. 100%.  Holding nothing back.  A couple weeks later I called SRU, retracted my acceptance, and asked for my deposit back.  

I was then able to move things along at Edinboro.  I began apartment hunting with two very special ladies who were dear friends to me through everything.  After a week of hunting, we found and put a deposit down on an apartment.  We were all excited about this next adventure in our lives.  Yeah, there were times I still thought about SRU.  In my heart I sometimes questioned God.  I knew that it was the right decision, but I still thought, “God are you sure?  Do you really want me here?  Why do you want me here?  How are you going to use me?  I can’t see that far ahead.”

Upon signing the lease for our apartment we were entered in Edinboro University’s Free Apartment Giveaway contest.  We were told to come to the giveaway party to see if we won—the catch being you HAD to be present in order to win the apartment, if your name was called.  Anybody could enter really.  We asked the secretary at our apartment complex how many entries they had gotten so far.  She told us 800.  Dear goodness, we knew we didn’t have a chance.  We debated back and forth if it was even worth attending this party at all.  Really, what were our chances?  And I don’t normally win things.  Well, except a basket of Beanie Babies in the 2^nd grade.  Any who, we decided to attend the party—at least there would be free food.  We stood in the cold for an hour waiting to see who would win this beloved apartment.  Whoever won would be so excited.  The DJ told us that it was time.  He would call 10 finalists to come up and chose a key to try in a locked door.  Whose key opened the door, won the free apartment for themselves and their roommates.  The name calling began.  And one by one people went and picked out their keys.  Many names were called that weren’t in attendance at the party, and they were disqualified from the contest.  Then the DJ said, “Number Seven: Allyson Sarring.”  My stomach literally fell out of my body and was sitting on the concrete next to me (nice image, huh? Lol).  I go up still in a daze and picked a key from the three that were remaining.  I looked down at the number on my key, #9.  Might as well made it #100, there was no way that they would make people wait that long to see if that door would open.  Once all 10 people were chosen, then came the scary part, trying to unlock the door.  I kept glancing back at my roommates, all of us thinking that this must be a dream.  The first person goes up, no luck.  No surprise there, no one ever wins with the number one.  The second person goes up, no luck either.  Then the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth.  The door was still locked.  My heart was pounding so hard that I could no longer hear the crowd around me.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  It was between me and one other girl.  I go up to try my key and 1) put it in upside down and 2) once I figured out how to use the key, turned the door knob the wrong way.  Once I finally got my act together, THE DOOR OPENED!  I was in a state of shock, the crowd cheered, and I began to frantically search for my roommates faces.  I had no words to say.  I could not believe it.  After all the interviews, I was able to look back and really assess the situation.  800 entries.  Me.  800 entries.  Me.  I wasn’t even going to go this party in the first place and now look what happened.    

As I made the calls to my mom, uncle, and grandma, they each just started praising God when the heard the news.  After the past months, we all knew that is was a confirmation that this was where I was supposed to be.  Maybe some say that I just got lucky; it was a coincidence.  I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that for one second.  I know 100% that this was God.  I thank God all the time for this blessing.  But here’s the important thing, even if I didn’t win the apartment, I still knew in my spirit that this is where God wanted me to be.  Winning was just an added bonus.  

God sees the end result.  He knows and understands our futures when we don’t know and understand our futures.

I will never forget this image.  Over spring break I had the opportunity to spend it with one of my best friends in her hometown of Pittsburgh.  One day she took me on a tour of the city.  I am a huge fan of architecture.  Look though the images on my camera and you will find most of them are of buildings.  I always say that I would love to be an architect, even though I don’t know the first thing about it.  Hey, everyone has a pipe dream.  Anyways, I was utterly fascinated walking through the streets of downtown Pittsburgh.  The city was so beautiful and captivating.  I couldn’t help but stop every few feet to snap a photograph.  Walking around you feel so small compared to the huge skyscrapers.  The only thing I didn’t like about the city was you couldn’t really see where you were going.  What I mean is you couldn’t see the big picture of the city—everything was so close, up in your face, and noisy.  It was easy for me to get confused about where we were at and where we were going.  

Later that day, we took the Incline up to Mt. Washington to the overlook.  Mt. Washington was the complete opposite of the city.  It was so quiet and peaceful.  The view was phenomenal; you could see absolutely everything from up there.  Reflecting back on this, I couldn’t help but think: this is what God’s sees, the big picture.  When I was going through my situation, I didn’t see the big picture.  I just couldn’t.  Everything was confusing and messy.  Kind of like when you are directly in the city, you just see what’s in front of you, and that’s it.  But Mt. Washington.  Oh, Mt. Washington!  The big picture!  God sees it, even if you don’t.  I still don’t see the big picture for my life.  I don’t know exactly what I am going to do, to see, to be, etc.  But I know someone who does!  And what an amazing feeling that is to know God really does have each of our steps ordered.  The thing is you have to seek him, earnestly seek him. 

Yeah maybe those months were some of the hardest that I ever had to deal with, but you know what?—I wouldn’t trade them for the world.  I learned so much about myself and God during that time.  I can honestly say that I am a very different person than I was 6 months ago, and for the better.  I am so blessed.  I didn’t get “my way,” but I got something better, God’s way.  And I am still so, so blessed.  I was blessed even when this situation was too much to bear, and I didn’t even realize it.  I remember one day, my mom looked at me in the middle of all of this and said, “You are blessed.”  I looked right back at her and said, “No, I’m not.”  As soon as I said it, I felt so convicted and thought that was the most ignorant thing that ever came out of my mouth.  I probably said a lot of things during that time that I didn’t mean.  That is no excuse however for saying them, but I can say there were times that my spiritual glasses were getting foggy.  But God knew and just kept tugging on my heart.

One of my favorite passages: Matthew 5:3-12 reads, “"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.  You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.  You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.  You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for. You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.  You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.  You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.  Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.”

We are blessed NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION WE ARE FACING.  God knows, god knows, god knows.  We say that so much that we start to sound like a broken Christian record.  A broken Christian record is one of the most unbearable sounds.  Let’s stop saying it just to say it, let’s believe it.  We don’t always see the big picture of things. God doesn't want to limit us and by following him the possibilities for our lives are endless!  We might not understand at the moment why we have to make certain decisions or why we are going through certain things, but God sees the big picture.  He sees it all. 

God sees your Mt. Washington.

I Have A Dream

I think one of the most beautiful things about a person is seeing what they truly have a passion for. I recently had the opportunity to attend a leadership conference at my university. The keynote speaker was Kevin Snyder- to call him inspiring, is definitely an understatement. What he had to say produced such a spark inside of me.

And I want to ask all of you…what do you have a passion for? I often ask people, “So, what do you want to do with your life?” Well, now I am going to rephrase that question into, “What do you REALLY want to do with your life?” I hope people realize that there is a difference in those two questions—that would also result in two very different answers. It's important to break out of the box that people, society, etc has put you in. When we stay in the box, we limit ourselves.

Kevin Snyder said so many things that I absolutely loved that I pretty much wrote down his whole presentation—yeah, that’s the journalist in me. Please take the time to read these profound statements:

-“Set-backs can be set-ups…”

-“Vision without action is just a daydream…”

-“When other people quit, you won’t…”

-“When you don’t risk, you risk even more…”

-“We come up with more excuse of why we can’t, then why we can…”

-“Think differently…”

-“You can’t drive by looking in your rearview mirror. Learn from the past, but don’t stay there…”

-“You can’t have anything new in your life until you appreciate what you already have…”

-“No one on their death bed says that they wished they worked harder…”

-“How would not being here tomorrow affect how you would live today…”

-“Obstacles are there to see how bad you really want it…”

Would I consider myself a realistic person? Yeah, I think I would to some degree. However, I feel like everybody is considered a realistic person to an extent. But what if we dreamed? What if we really dreamed big?! I can’t even imagine what kind of an impact that could be made!

There are a lot of things inside of me that I want to share with the world. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode with excitement from the things that I dream up and hope to do. Do I always share my dreams with people? Sometimes, it depends haha. Sometimes I can't even put my dreams into words, which maybe why it is difficult to always express. But I'm slowly getting better at it. I just think we give up on ourselves too easily! So what, our dreams might not be easy to obtain, but it will be worth it. Don’t let anyone tell you that your dream is unrealistic, crazy, not possible, etc. There are times that I have talked myself out of a dream before I even started to work on it. I think, “God this looks so impossible to do. How? When? Where?” I believe God knows the desires of our heart and the things that we are passionate about. I also believe that God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. Sometimes taking this route causes us to do things in an nontraditional way, if you know what I mean. It’s an adventure…and nontraditional adventure. And I’m ready for it. Everything I am for His kingdom’s cause (That's easier said than done sometimes. This often requires sacrifice). Recently I have been saying that I don’t feel like I am going to have a "traditional job." Do I know exactly what that means? Well, no not really haha. However, I feel that whenever we do anything for Christ it is considered "nontraditional"- especially in the eyes of the world. Nontraditional is a good thing :) But that is what I feel for some reason. It is so humbling to think that God can take our gifts, talents, the things we have a passion for, and use it for his glory and kingdom. I say it’s humbling because it really goes to show how this life isn’t about us.

I heard a song for the first time today that really expresses what I feel inside. “I want to start a revolution//I want to live life beautifully//I want to be different than the rest…” And with Christ, I know that this is achievable.

I love the lyrics to Hosanna by Hillsong, “I see a generation rising up to take the place//With selfless faith, with selfless faith//I see a near revival stirring as we pray and seek//We're on our knees, we're on our knees…”

Dream big.

Even better, dream big for GOD.

#PutYourLoveGlassesOn

I am the type of person who likes to continually challenge herself. I am the type of person who likes to ask the hard questions. Recently, I asked myself, “Do I get what this whole Christian thing is all about? Like, do I REALLY get it?” To be honest, I was a little hesitant to answer my own question.

I few weeks ago I saw someone post a status saying something along the lines of, “Why would I listen to anything a Christian has to say. They just want me to dress up on Sundays so I can apologize for being human.” As I was about to comment with a predictable “God-like” response, I stopped myself. I don’t want to say I 100% agree with that statement, but at the same time I don’t want to disagree with it either. If people are thinking that this is what Christianity is all about, then Houston, we have a problem. If this what people think Christians are like then Houston, we have an even BIGGER problem. And you know where that problem starts?...with us. The supposed Christians. Well, are we really acting as Christ-like as we think we are.

Jefferson Bethke's YouTube video, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus” has really spoken to my heart, along with many other things over the past few weeks. If you haven’t seen the video, it is something that you definitely want to check out, despite your beliefs. I think it really helps to give a true understanding of what Christianity is about/what is should be about. I will never forget the line, “Because if grace is water, then the church should be an ocean. It’s not a museum for good people, but it’s a hospital for the broken.” Well, you know what, too often that is what we think the Christian church is for…to collect all the “good people,” line them up, and make those “non-Christians” feel insignificant. The funny thing is the church is actually created for the opposite. The church is for the broken, hurting, the druggies, the drunks, the addicted, etc! It's for those that the world casts to the side, the poor, the needy, the homeless.

I always think of the story in the Bible where the Pharisees caught a woman in the act of adultery. They bring her to Jesus and tell him that law commands that she must be stoned. Jesus, looks at the woman and tells her to go and sin no more. Wow, does that speak volumes or what! Grace, mercy, love. This is just so powerful to me.

At the same time, this is not an excuse to do whatever we please, knowing that it is wrong.

The video goes on to say, “And Jesus absorbed all of your sin, and buried it in the tomb. Which is why I’m kneeling at the cross, saying come on there’s room.” Dear goodness does that line give me chills! Now is time to really do our homework church. None of us are deserving of the love of God. We are absolutely nothing in comparison to him. We need his grace and mercy CONTINUESSLY. Who are we to judge on who is deserving of God grace and mercy?! And even the bigger question, are we pushing people away or are will telling them that there is room at the foot of the cross for them too?! We better be VERY careful of the motive of our heart, when we are not so deserving either. When we mix religion with Jesus, get ready, because destruction is waiting right around the corner. In the Bible, Jesus actually calls the religious people fools.

One of my favorite lines from a song says, “Jesus give me your heart, mine is deceitful. Then give me your eyes because I want to see people the same way that you see them…” And that is exactly what I have been praying lately… that God gives me His eyes. I have this desire to see people the way God sees them, the way he would want me to see them. God is pretty much telling us to put our love glasses on. When we do that, that's when we really can begin to change ourselves and influence those around us. We are able to boast in our weaknesses at the foot of the cross. The place where he takes the ashes of our lives and turns them into something beautiful.

I am challenging each and every one of you, along with myself to really begin to see the church the way God designed it. Get rid of our "holier-than-thou" attitude and lets begin to act real. We can only cover up the stench of our arrogance for so long before it begins to wear off.

So go.....#PutYourLoveGlassesOn.

2011 Reflection

It's hard to believe that 2011 has come and gone. It's seems like the year just flew by. In short, 2011 has definitely had its ups and downs. Writing those previous statements seems so cliché to me; nevertheless, they are all true. As I was reflecting on my own 2011, it made me realize how thankful I am for new beginnings and God’s never ending love and mercy.


The most challenging part of the year for me was definitely the last four months. There was a lot I had to think about and important decisions had to be made that, in turn, would really impact my future. During those months I lost myself, my peace, and my joy. It was noticeable to myself and those around me. Yes, I was surrounded by people, but at the same time felt very alone. I was angry and bitter. I was frustrated about factors in my life that I couldn’t really do anything about/things that were not my fault in the first place—factors that I realized sometimes controlled my life. At times, I also felt very far from God—I wanted answers, and worst of all, I wanted my own way. I was throwing myself a pity party and looking back now, that is something I am not very proud of. You could definitely say I was fighting a spiritual battle that was a reflection of natural circumstances.


God’s purpose for one’s life, I feel like is a topic that can be discussed until the cows come home. “How do I know God’s purpose for my life? How do I know if this is the right decision? Am I even supposed to be going down this path?” BLAH BLAH BLAH. It can be maddening. Going in circles was how I was feeling. Spinning my wheels but going nowhere was what I was doing. Maybe I was too controlling of my own life? The funny thing was the harder I tried to gain control of my life, the more I was losing control. The words worried and stressed are a complete understatement of the state of my inner being during that time. It wasn’t until recently where I got a godly perspective of what those words really mean. Pastor, author, and speaker Francis Chan defines them as the following: 1) Worry: Implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. 2) Stress: Says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. In his book “Crazy Love,” Chan writes the following, “Basically these two behaviors communicate that it’s okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely afraid, or hurt ever again, and that is in the context of God’s strength, our problems, are small, indeed.”

Wow, can you say convicting?!

During those months, I had trouble trusting in God’s plan for my life. I was uncomfortable not knowing exactly how he is going to use me for his kingdom. I looked around at others and it seemed as if they all were doing what they wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that were leaving God out of their life’s equation, but they all seemed to have these big plans and goals that were all coming to pass. I felt like I was going nowhere, doing nothing. I so deeply fear that I will not make an impact with my life, I will be "ineffective." I have a passion deep in my heart to make an impact in such a nontraditional way. In a way, it kind of broke my heart to see a dream slowly slip through my hands.


Group One Crew’s song “I Have a Dream” said it best, “A young girl growing up it was hard to adapt//I felt like every other girl was given life with a map//They seemed to know where they were going//I didn't know jack, I had to play it cool never let them see where I'm at//You see I tried hard to remove all the scars//But I could never see my dreams they were always too far//I'm not afraid to write a song that exposes my pain//I lived my life backwards so when it poured it rained//But I got through the weather now I'm changing the game//And dreaming remains the source of everything we proclaim…”

As 2011 came to a close, I still didn’t have the answers I was looking for, and you know what I realized?!—that I don’t have to. Minus my lack of answers I did, however, gain a new found trust and peace. As I go into the year 2012, the word I would like to use to describe how I am feeling is “whatever.” Not “whatever” in the sense of the lackadaisical attitude that is so unappealing, but “whatever” meaning—Lord WHATEVER you want me to do, WHATEVER you want me to be, WHATEVER direction you want me to go, I am ready, willing, and waiting for an adventure. I know in due time he will reveal what he will want me to do, but in the meantime I have to keep pursuing him like never before. I feel like the past months have been a blessing in disguise. As I felt myself losing control, I felt God gaining control. And there can never be a more wonderful feeling than that.